Monday, September 24, 2012

Here It Is...

So I'm putting it all out there for the world to see.

This morning I weighed in at 293 pounds - okay 292.8 to be specific. 

And I want it noted that this was AFTER breakfast and coffee.  I was also wearing clothes.  I usually weigh in the nude first thing in the morning - after doing my bathroom business, of course!

Notice my chipped toenail polish?  That's from a fall I took at the BlogHer conference in NYC nearly two months ago and never touched up.  I work from home as a struggling freelance writer and have really let myself go.  Most days I take my daughter to school in my pajamas and forget to brush my teeth.

I've gained twenty pounds since I quit my job outside of the home a year ago.  I'd slowly worked my down to 270 from a high of 361.  Writing for a living is so much more difficult and stressful than I expected it to be.  It's been a rough year for my family in general and I'm an emotional eater.  Lots of sedentary time alone at home is not good for someone with lifelong emotional eating issues - and that photo of the scale proves it! 

I've been overweight since I was a preschooler.  I weighed over 100 pounds when I was in first grade.  I distinctively remember weighing more than the Emperor penguin my class was studying that year.

Two and a half years ago my husband and I adopted a nine-year-old girl from the foster care system.  Our daughter is amazing.  She is absolutely amazing and lights up my life.  She makes my heart so full that I'm constantly thinking there isn't room to love her anymore, but it keeps on filling up anyways.   And my husband is awesome, too.  I'm a lucky wife and mom! 

I want to be healthy and around for them for a long time.  I also want to set a good example for my daughter about living a health lifestyle. I've been talking the talk, but not walking the walk.  (Is that how that saying goes?)

The situation is complicated because she has developed some pretty big body image issues.  Her body is growing and changing, plus she gained a good chunk of weight thanks to anxiety medication.  She started middle school this year and will be twelve in two months.  She thinks she's huge and ugly.  She cries and tells me nearly every day that she hates herself.  I tell her that her body is strong, amazing and beautiful, but I'm her mom.  It doesn't mean much coming from me.  Seeing her so unhappy is heartbreaking.

So I need to lose weight for my healthy, while letting her see that I think I'm hot and amazing at the size I'm at now!  It's going to be quite the balancing act, but I'm up for the challenge. 

Want to join me?


  1. I do think a better example for your daughter is to not make your focus your weight. You have always been a beautiful, amazing woman. No number on a scale can measure that! I think its great to get healthy, and THAT should be your focus. Eating well and moving your body. Don't make it about that stupid scale. That's not healthy, either.

    Just so you don't think I don't support this idea, I want you to know I do!! I just think your focus should be different. Especially as any sustainable weight loss is going to be through lifestyle change. Which is much harder, but a MUCH better example for your daughter.

    I can reccomend any book by Michael Pollan if you are interested in just knowing more about your food (In Defense of Food is a good place to start. Its not a long book, and there are some good tips in it. Its NOT a diet book).

  2. I'll join in!! You've got this!! What better reason than being healthy for Princess!